I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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