I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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