So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
