There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
