The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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