I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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