he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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