Don't make out with my wife yet
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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