is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
