i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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