omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
