Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
