discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
