I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
