On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
