He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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