you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
