i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
