She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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