i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
