Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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