Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
