She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
