I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
