I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we're making bets on your personal life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
