PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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