Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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