also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize