dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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