last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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