clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
