There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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