girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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