Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize