last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
