Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
