She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
