Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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