She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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