i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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