im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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