i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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