please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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