whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
