And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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