I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
