Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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