I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
