tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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