If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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