those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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