What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
