I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
