I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
