I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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