he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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