He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
