sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
