People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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