Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
