Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
