Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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