At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How does it feel to date your dad?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
