I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
