You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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