I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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